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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28276635">love is simply joy that i'm home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justpalsbeingals/pseuds/justpalsbeingals'>justpalsbeingals</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arrow (TV 2012), Green Arrow and the Canaries (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And a little bit of, Christmas Angst, Christmas Fluff, Dinah is filled with holiday cheer, F/F, Holidays, Laurel is a grinch, but it turns out she just has a lot of feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:14:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28276635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justpalsbeingals/pseuds/justpalsbeingals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“This one seems like the right shape for our living room. What do you think?” </p>
<p>The question hits like a freight train. Dinah is looking at Laurel with softness, a gentle questioning which implores Laurel’s thought on the tree. It’s not the way Dinah asks for her opinion that has Laurel this warm, it's the phrasing. It's the words 'our living room'.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Dinah and Laurel celebrate their first Christmas together in 2040. Featuring Christmas tree decorating, Laurel having feelings, and Dinah wanting nothing but the best for Laurel (because they're in love, obviously)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dinah Drake/Earth-2 Laurel Lance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>love is simply joy that i'm home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>consider this a holiday gift from me to you🎁 </p>
<p>title is from Love is Christmas by Sara Bareilles (an extremely underrated Christmas song if you ask me, 10/10 highly recommend)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Winter is the worst of all seasons. If you ask Dinah Laurel Lance of Earth-2, that is. </p>
<p>Laurel hates the winter.</p>
<p>She knows she’s in the minority; most everyone else seems to love the transition to shorter days and cooler nights. Amber-turned leaves finally finish dropping to the ground and the trees grow bare and gnarly. Jackets come out and sandals are turned in.</p>
<p>Laurel hates it.</p>
<p>She’s much more a summer type of person, if she’s being honest. Tank tops are more practical, easier to fight in, and just more Laurel’s style. All of the winter traditions - hot chocolate, bundled up sweaters, mistletoe - aren’t her taste. They’re too close to cozy. Too much like something intimate Laurel doesn’t even want to think about.</p>
<p>And that’s not even mentioning the family stuff. The past stuff. The <em> Laurel’s whole world was destroyed along with everyone in it and now they only exist in her memories </em>stuff.</p>
<p>Winter is built on a softness Laurel abhors. Everything fragile and dainty and warming down to the core. Frankly, it’s unsettling.</p>
<p>Dinah though, Dinah <em> loves </em>winter. </p>
<p>The day after Halloween, the purple Halloween lights in the bar are torn down in exchange for winter holiday décor. Santas and blue and silver tinsel, reindeer and pine trees, snowflakes and menorahs and dreidels and ornaments. If it’s remotely winter related, Dinah owns it; she keeps two sizable bins in the closet.</p>
<p>(Laurel shudders to think what Dinah’s closet looked like back in 2020 when she had more than a few months to collect.)</p>
<p>It’s not even about the holidays themselves for Dinah, though she did celebrate Christmas growing up. It’s more about the spirit of the season to her. Dinah loves the warm glow of twinkling lights and watching movies which remind her of her old life and the feeling of finding the perfect gift for someone, a gift which says <em> I know you perfectly well </em> and <em> I saw you in this item </em> and <em> I don’t really know how to tell you what you mean to me, but this is what I can offer. </em></p>
<p>Dinah doesn’t learn of Laurel’s disdain for the winter until their first one together in 2040. It comes about during the decoration swap, when Laurel protests the change in atmosphere. It’s only after intense griping that Laurel manages to convince Dinah to not exchange the pumpkin shaped candy holder in the living room for the snowman one. </p>
<p>“At least let fall hang around until Thanksgiving,” Laurel reasons, like Laurel gives a shit about that holiday. (In fact, Laurel can’t believe Thanksgiving is still being celebrated, but that’s a whole different can of worms.) But the pumpkin candy holder is the one thing preventing the whole apartment, the whole bar, Laurel’s whole world, from becoming overtaken by the worst season of all, so Laurel’s willing to fight for it if she has to.</p>
<p>“Only because you asked so nicely.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s only mid-November when Dinah asks Laurel if she wants to come with her to pick out a Christmas tree. Laurel wants nothing more than to denounce the activity. She probably would too, if it weren’t Dinah asking. But Dinah wants to make their home feel more festive - something Laurel is unsure is even possible - and she really doesn’t want to pick out the tree alone, so she bribes Laurel with the promise of Irish coffee as payment.</p>
<p>Laurel, of course, says yes. Everything Dinah asks of her is always a yes. Maybe not without resistance, but in the end, Dinah has Laurel wrapped around her little finger without even knowing it. Irish coffee is just a bonus.</p>
<p>Laurel tosses a sweatshirt on to stave off the already nipping chill before meeting Dinah in the bar. When she sees Dinah, she’s taken aback.</p>
<p>Dinah looks breathtaking. She’s always breathtaking to Laurel, but today, in a white sweater, pink puffer vest, and heeled boots, she looks especially beautiful. She looks a bit like she just walked out of a winter catalogue. Laurel supposes it’s the kind of outfit one should wear when going to pick out a Christmas tree, and it’s enough for her to second guess her own choice of clothes. </p>
<p>“Is that my sweatshirt?” Dinah asks, her voice laced with a chuckle. Like this is something entertaining.</p>
<p>Laurel frowns, looking down. The pullover she’s chosen has the letters SCPD on the front, the emblem peeling away at the corners from one too many washes. Laurel doesn’t really know when it became a part of her wardrobe, maybe slipped into her load of laundry accidentally, but it’s undeniably Dinah’s. </p>
<p>“No?” Laurel replies, the question evident in her voice, because it’s not like Dinah doesn’t already know the answer. Laurel makes a move to pull off the sweatshirt, feeling suddenly awkward under Dinah’s gaze. </p>
<p>Dinah extends a hand to halt Laurel’s effort. “It looks good on you.”</p>
<p>At the compliment, Laurel’s heart kickstarts in her chest, and her cheeks turn an uncharacteristic shade of pink. She coughs to cover it.</p>
<p>The drive to the tree farm is quiet, filled with the sense of lazy comfort they’ve found themselves in lately. Since arriving in 2040, Laurel and Dinah have fallen into some sort of domesticity. They easily guess each other’s thoughts and feelings, have started doing most things as a team. Despite Laurel’s disdain for anything and everything domestic, it’s nice to have Dinah’s company.</p>
<p>More than nice, if she’s being honest. It borders on blissful. Laurel could see herself living this way the rest of her life.</p>
<p>Upon arrival at the small plot where they’ll select their tree, the duo start meandering between rows of pines. It’s a little too chilly out for Laurel’s liking, even with the sweatshirt on, and she tucks her hands in the front pocket. It does little to return the feeling in her fingers, so Laurel surreptitiously rubs her hands together. </p>
<p>She senses Dinah’s smirk before she sees it. </p>
<p>“What’s that look for?”</p>
<p>“What look?” There’s a laugh in Dinah’s voice that says she knows exactly what look. The corners of her lips twitch up. “Just didn’t know a former criminal mastermind would get cold this easily.”</p>
<p>“Hey now,” Laurel starts, a bit offended, “It’s practically freezing out. Don’t tell me your hands aren’t cold.” Somehow this Earth is even colder than Laurel’s own. Couldn’t she have been stranded on a planet where Star City was closer to the equator?</p>
<p>“I’m not being a baby about it though.”</p>
<p>Laurel’s mouth falls open at the tease. Intent to prove just how cold her hands really are, Laurel removes them from her pocket and presses the back side of them to Dinah’s cheek.</p>
<p>Dinah let out a squeal at the shock, trying to duck out of the line of attack, but Laurel follows her movements, never letting Dinah disconnect from her. </p>
<p>“That’s so not fair. Quit!” Dinah gets out between laughs. </p>
<p>Dinah’s laughter is infectious, and it spreads to Laurel, warming her right up. Laurel can’t help but smile around Dinah, especially when she’s like this. Dinah looks carefree and happy, even with the pseudo annoyance she’s shooting Laurel’s way.</p>
<p>Eventually, Laurel relinquishes her attack, and they resume their walk. </p>
<p>Laurel hasn’t picked out a Christmas tree in years, let alone decorated one. Being within rows of pines is a bit discerning, and she places most of her trust in Dinah to lead the process. To Laurel, each and every tree looks much the same. There’s little to no difference in shape and pine coverage, and barring the extremely tall ones, Laurel sees no advantage of one tree over the other. </p>
<p>Dinah has a significantly different experience. She has a comment about most every tree.</p>
<p><em> This one leans right, do you see this </em> or <em> it’s a little sparse </em> or <em> will the tree star sit right on this one </em> ? </p>
<p>Dinah isn’t simply speaking her thoughts out loud; she keeps asking for Laurel’s opinion. Even with Laurel’s sparse responses, Dinah continues to ask.</p>
<p>“This one seems like the right shape for our living room. What do you think?” </p>
<p>The question hits like a freight train. Dinah is looking at Laurel with softness, a gentle questioning which implores Laurel’s thought on the tree. It’s not the way Dinah asks for her opinion that has Laurel this warm, it's the phrasing. It's the words<em> our living room.</em></p>
<p><em> Our.</em> As in, not Dinah’s living room in which Laurel has been crashing, but the living room in the apartment they share together. </p>
<p>It throws Laurel for a bit of a loop. While she’s begun thinking of the apartment as theirs, she didn’t know Dinah’s opinion. Laurel’s mostly been worried that Dinah saw her as a nuisance. More of a freeloader than a roommate. This simple statement - <em> our </em> living room - throws that all away.</p>
<p>Her voice gets caught in her throat as she tries to answer Dinah’s initial question. The words are sticky treacle, impeded by the tightening of Laurel’s chest. Finally she manages to choke out, “It looks perfect.”  </p>
<p>“I agree.” Dinah smiles.</p>
<p>The tree is selected, loaded on top of the car, and is back in the living room within an hour. For the entire hour, Laurel replays the words in her head. <em> Our, our, our </em>. Each time she thinks it, her heart beats a little harder. </p>
<p>Somehow, Dinah already has a sizable collection of ornaments. Laurel isn’t sure where they came from or when Dinah could’ve possibly had time to acquire all of these between the bar and fighting crime, but lo and behold, there’s silver and blue balls and red and gold tassels amidst strands of lights. Dinah is methodical in setting up the tree and gives Laurel specific instructions on how to put it together, but Laurel finds she doesn’t mind. She isn’t too experienced in setting up these things. She’s happy to let Dinah direct her.</p>
<p>As they put up the tree, Dinah has music playing in the background. She hums aimlessly to the songs, letting little strings of the verses slide out when they so wish. With a voice so angelic, Laurel can’t help but stare a little. Dinah is dancing along to the tune of “Last Christmas”, and Laurel just stands there, watching. </p>
<p>Laurel’s long past denying why she watches Dinah. She knows what this is. She’s a little bit in love with her, and she has been for a while now. It took a while for the realization to sink in, that Laurel is head over heels for her best friend, her literal partner in crime, her former enemy. After months of trying to write it off as a really intense friendship, as not having strong relationships in her life, as accidental attraction to someone close to her, Laurel gave in to her feelings and admitted it to herself.</p>
<p>It stung for a minute there, knowing she has these feelings that won’t ever be reciprocated, but Laurel is able to work with it. Putting a name to how she feels makes it a little less terrifying. </p>
<p>“Why are you staring?” Dinah questions, pulling Laurel out of her personal musings.</p>
<p>“After another twenty years, you’d think they’d come up with new Christmas songs,” Laurel comments, hoping her usual snark covers her daydreaming. She hands the tree star over to Dinah to distract from any final leering and busies herself with closing the boxes in the living room. </p>
<p>A minute later, Dinah stops Laurel with a hand on her arm. “Check out the final product.” She nods her head over at the tree in all its glory. “I think it looks nice.” </p>
<p>Dinah is beaming, and Laurel can’t help but smile too.</p>
<p>“See, I knew I could get you into the holiday spirit. Grinch.” Dinah says it with a laugh, and despite the urge Laurel has to up and deny any enjoyment, she finds herself giving in. </p>
<p>“Don’t count on making a habit of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite Dinah’s best attempts, any and all further means of getting Laurel into the holiday spirit fail. Whether it’s suggesting they watch bad Hallmark movies from the early 2000s or go look at the lights in the nearby suburbs or even talking about how chilly the weather is getting, there’s no sense of leniency.</p>
<p>At first, Dinah chalks it all up to Laurel being a grouch. After all, Laurel isn’t exactly known for her tendency to participate in the warm and fluffy traditions of family life. Pretending not to care is practically Laurel’s M.O.. She’s like some moody teenager who thinks it isn’t cool to care too much about things. </p>
<p>Thanksgiving comes and passes with a small meal just the two of them, and then Dinah is in full winter mode. The fall has officially passed, there’s no excuse not to launch headfirst into yuletide and related seasonal fun. Dinah pushes for Laurel to shop with her for presents for the Canaries, to go ice skating, and to go caroling. Unsurprisingly, Laurel refuses participation in most of these activities.</p>
<p>“You know I don’t like Christmas. It’s too cutesy,” Laurel claims. “It’s all consumerism, D. It’s annoying.”    </p>
<p>Despite all of the times she’s turned down, Dinah continues to invite Laurel to be her partner in these things. Every so often, Laurel will agree to join Dinah on an outing, and during each of these moments, Laurel will smile the whole time. Being with Dinah lights her up, even if she’s forced to participate in traditions she’d rather not.</p>
<p>Inexplicably, following these fun festivities, Laurel will find herself in a mood. No matter how good their afternoon or evening is, hours after it’s over, Laurel will shut down. She seems angry even, in a way Dinah hasn’t seen since the Black Siren days. Laurel always brushes it off, blaming her mood on the insufferable crowds or on the shitty mall music or something else convenient, but Dinah thinks there’s more to it.</p>
<p>And there is.</p>
<p>It doesn’t get unlocked until the week before Christmas.</p>
<p>Dinah has <em> finally </em> managed to convince Laurel to watch one of her favorite seasonal movies: <em> While You Were Sleeping</em>. It’s only because it’s movie night and Laurel had a stressful week and a cup of wine on the couch next to her best friend is something she really, really needs. </p>
<p>Dinah is beyond thrilled. The movie is one of her guilty pleasures, one her mother unironically enjoyed, and thus, one that makes Dinah think of her.</p>
<p>Being in the future is hard. There’s no trace of Dinah in the past, no trace of the Black Canary or her as police captain, and despite not having seen her parents in years before the time jump, Dinah thinks of them often. It’s part of the reason Dinah loves celebrating the holidays any year; they remind her of family time. This year it seems especially important, even if now her family looks like two kids of former superhero teammates, a handful of new vigilantes in training, and her once sworn enemy turned closest friend. </p>
<p>They’re about thirty minutes into the movie when Laurel starts getting grumbly.</p>
<p>“You know, this plot would be creepy if it was a man instead of a woman.” </p>
<p>Maybe Laurel has a point. Pretending to be engaged to someone in a coma, however accidental and endearing in a Hollywood romance, is nothing short of creepy.</p>
<p>“But we forgive it in exchange for a love story,” Dinah disputes. </p>
<p>Laurel rolls her eyes and makes another comment under her breath. Something about how all movies like this are stupid and how the family is too trusting and how you could never lie to someone like this is real life and be forgiven and…</p>
<p>“Why do you always feel the need to ruin a good thing?” Dinah questions. She’s mostly joking, her voice is teasing, only slightly exasperated at Laurel’s ever cranky attitude. “It’s almost Christmas, can’t we just enjoy it? Or are you gonna doom and gloom all the way until New Year’s?”</p>
<p>Laurel doesn’t respond. Dinah expects a taunt back or a scoff or even a playful push from Laurel’s feet, which are currently tucked under Dinah’s thigh. Instead, Laurel goes quiet. She gnaws on her inner lip.</p>
<p>“Laurel?”</p>
<p>“I don’t hate Christmas, you know.” Laurel’s voice comes out softer than usual. It’s missing the normal confidence and bite, exchanged instead for something tentative. </p>
<p>Dinah is immediately concerned at the change in pace. She turns her attention away from the screen and angles her body towards Laurel’s. “Hey, I was just joking about the movie.”</p>
<p>“No, I know.” Laurel shakes her head. “But I know you’ve been thinking it. ‘<em>Oh, Laurel, hates all things filled with joy. The Grinch incarnate’ </em>,” Laurel mocks. “That isn’t it though.”</p>
<p>Dinah extends a hand to Laurel’s knee and wills her to continue with the story. It’s so rare for Laurel to open up, and Dinah can see she’s urging to, so she doesn’t want to interrupt her. She settles for stroking her thumb at the base of Laurel’s knee cap while Laurel tells her tale.</p>
<p>It’s not that Laurel hates Christmas; in fact, Laurel loved it growing up. December twenty-fifth was her Sara’s birthday, and even though her sister stole the attention on the date, Laurel loved to dote over her. Her family had all these big holiday traditions: movies and matching pajamas, elaborate light displays and huge holiday meals. It was incredible.</p>
<p>And then her dad died.</p>
<p>For the first few years after his death, Laurel went above and beyond to try and make Sara smile again. She did anything she could to light up her sister’s freckled face. After a while though, it all felt sort of worthless and empty. Her mother tried, but there wasn’t a real point. Her father was the embodiment of all things merry and bright, and without him, it wasn’t the same.</p>
<p>At first, Christmas was this big reminder of everything Laurel lost during childhood. Her house was quiet and lonely without her father. Sara didn’t smile as bright. There was just no joy anymore. It only worsened in the years Laurel was estranged from her sister. They had a falling out after Sara got involved with Oliver, and during that time, there was no spirit at all.</p>
<p>Laurel explains this all in the span of a few deep breaths, murmuring through it so quickly and quietly Dinah strains to hear. She makes certain to catch every word. </p>
<p>“When I went back to my Earth to be the Black Canary, it was different. Sara and I grew close again. So close. And God, D, I <em> love </em> my sister. I missed having that during all the years I spent being angry at the world. And then…”  Laurel trails off, and Dinah knows what’s coming next. She exchanges the gentle rubbing of her thumb for grabbing Laurel’s hand, and, surprisingly, Laurel doesn’t pull away. </p>
<p>“And then Crisis happened,” Laurel whispers. “And now everyone I love is gone. I know we don’t really talk about it, but that was my <em> sister</em>. My entire <em> world</em>. As much as I pretend Christmas is annoying and tradition is pointless, which it is, mind you, it’s not really about that. It just...”</p>
<p>Dinah fills in for her. “It hurts. Celebrating without them.”  </p>
<p>Whereas Dinah finds comfort in the traditions of her family, Laurel sees nothing but emptiness. It’s a blatant reminder of all she’s lost.</p>
<p>Silently, Dinah chastises herself for not seeing this sooner. Her and Laurel don’t talk this candidly often. Even when there's a hint of openness, Laurel certainly doesn’t bring up the way her entire universe was destroyed. But she should’ve known.</p>
<p>Being in the future, it’s easy for Dinah to convince herself they’re in the same position, separated from their former lives. But it’s different. Even if Dinah isn’t with the people she loved, so many of them she knows their fate. For Laurel though, the fate was death.</p>
<p>This world is a copy of Laurel’s own, and try as she might to hide it, it’s clear Laurel isn’t coping with it as well as she pretends.</p>
<p>Laurel scrubs at the tears which well in her eyes. It’s rare enough to hear Laurel’s voice wobble, but tears are even less common. Dinah resists the urge to wipe away a single drop which balances at the end of Laurel’s chin. </p>
<p>Dinah swallows away the guilt building inside her. This isn’t about her. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. I wish I’d known. I wouldn’t have pushed for you to do all these things.” Had Dinah thought this was hiding deep within Laurel, she never would have suggested the near endless stream of festivities. She definitely wouldn’t have the house looking like a goddamn winter wonderland. At the very least, the apartment should be a haven. It’s just another reminder.</p>
<p>Laurel’s face contorts, somewhere between a grimace and a sad smile. “Don’t be sorry. I like being with you and doing things with you. It just feels wrong to enjoy these things when my whole world doesn’t get to.”</p>
<p>It’s no surprise Laurel has survivors guilt. Dinah’s always noticed Laurel doesn’t know how to accept good things which come to her, and so much of it is due Laurel feeling like she doesn’t belong here. Laurel thinks she shouldn’t have been the one to survive. </p>
<p>No matter how checkered her past, Dinah believes Laurel deserves the best. She wishes Laurel could see that.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to punish yourself for still being here.” </p>
<p>Another shake of Laurel’s head. Dinah can see Laurel starting to close off after this open of a conversation. This is the most Laurel’s ever opened up to Dinah, possibly to anyone, so it isn’t a shock to Dinah when Laurel’s next response intends to shut down the vulnerability.</p>
<p>“Well, not much point in it anyway. This movie is punishment enough.” A devilish smile rises on Laurel’s face, and she bites at her lip.</p>
<p>There’s so much more Dinah wants to touch on, so much more she wants to say, but Laurel wants to move on. She grants Laurel what she asks for and goes back to the movie and the gentle taunts which make them them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After the night where Laurel tells all, she can tell there’s a shift in her relationship with Dinah. Laurel wants to blame it on the amount of time they’ve known each other, but it’s obviously due to the secrets Dinah now knows. Normally Laurel would regret sharing this much with anyone, but Dinah files away the information, never to be brought up again.</p>
<p>While Dinah doesn’t mention the conversation verbally, Laurel can tell she took it to heart, because little things change. Dinah stops playing holiday music inside the apartment. She leaves all talk of winter down in the bar. Most notably of all, Dinah cancels Christmas dinner. </p>
<p>It was a little thing to begin with, just the two of them, Mia, and William, and with Mia having been raised by a Jewish Felicity Smoak and with William having a new boyfriend, cancelling the event is hardly noteworthy. Laurel doesn’t say as much, but she appreciates it.</p>
<p>All of Dinah’s changed behaviors are evidence of how much she cares for Laurel. There was no need for her to change her life in such a way. After all, Dinah loves winter. If it behooved her, Dinah could’ve left everything exactly the same. To pull back on something she’s clearly passionate about goes to show how much she’s concerned with Laurel’s comfort.</p>
<p>It makes Laurel fall harder. As if she could.</p>
<p>She was already all lingering glances and pounding heart and warm fuzzy feelings around Dinah, but now Laurel is all of these things and more. Now Laurel is thankful for Dinah, on top of everything else.</p>
<p>The evening before Christmas, the weather in Star City takes a turn. It’s been chilly for weeks now, but it finally dips below freezing. Laurel and Dinah are settled on the couch when it starts to snow.</p>
<p>Through the enormous windows of Dinah’s apartment, they watch the flakes sprinkle down, highlighted by the skyline beyond. It’s a bit of a perfect moment for Laurel: just her and Dinah on the couch with a beautiful sight outside. Even with it being a painful time of year, this evening is everything she could want.</p>
<p>After having talked about her feelings, Laurel’s found the holiday seems to sting a little less. She’s been thinking of her sister constantly, both reminiscing and imagining what could’ve been. She’s even mentioned it a few times to Dinah. Dinah makes it easier to talk about her hurt. She makes Laurel want to share more of herself.</p>
<p>The snow has been falling for a while when Dinah asks Laurel if she wants to watch a movie. It’s practically tradition at this point; Laurel can't imagine doing anything else with the evening. She just isn’t expecting the original claymation <em> Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer </em>to be the film Dinah puts on.</p>
<p>Laurel isn’t quite sure how to respond to this. On one hand, Dinah’s been staunchly avoiding anything Christmas related for over a week, so this behavior is unexpected. It comes without warning, completely out of left field. On the other hand, Dinah has every right to put on a holiday movie in her own home. She doesn't know what this means to Laurel. She doesn't know this movie hurts more than anything else.</p>
<p>Of all the little Christmas traditions from Laurel’s childhood, this is the one which stands out the most, for this was Sara’s favorite movie. On the night before Sara’s birthday, the whole family would cuddle up on the couch in matching pajamas and fuzzy slippers to watch. </p>
<p>Singing the musical numbers, watching Rudolph give Clarice a kiss on the cheek, laughing at Hermey the Elf, it was all part of a ritual which defined Laurel’s childhood. To have this movie come up so soon after sharing her hurt with Dinah frankly feels like a pouring salt in the wound. </p>
<p>It’s probably a coincidence.</p>
<p>Laurel should say something. She knows she could; Dinah wouldn't judge her for being affected by this. But Laurel doesn't know if she has any right to ask Dinah to turn it off. She just needs to buck up, she thinks to herself. </p>
<p>It's as if Dinah can hear her dilemma. She pauses the movie and turns to address Laurel.</p>
<p>“You can say no to this,” Dinah starts, gesturing over to the screen. “If this is too much, I won’t be offended. We can turn it off and watch anything else and I won’t bring up Christmas ever again. But I talked to Sara, or, well, this Sara. She mentioned her family used to watch this the night before her birthday. I’m guessing you did too.”</p>
<p>Laurel nods, her throat too dry to say anything.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not the same thing at all, but I was thinking we could watch together. If you want. You deserve to enjoy things you used to love, even without your family around.”</p>
<p>“D… I, it’s…” Laurel's words fail and peter out as she tries to school the thoughts in her head into something coherent. </p>
<p>It’s hard for Laurel to accept this idea, the idea of watching something she used to love and having a good time with someone she cares for. It's especially difficult without her sister there. But this could be something good. A new memory to associate with something so bittersweet. </p>
<p>A new memory with someone she loves.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to. It was just a thought.” Dinah shifts in a way which means she’s starting to feel insecure about her suggestion. Laurel doesn’t want her to doubt her instinct. It was right. Her hand darts out to rest atop Dinah’s.</p>
<p>“No, Dinah. I want to watch. I want to watch, with you.” </p>
<p>The faintest grin grows across Dinah’s face, and if Laurel was slightly apprehensive about her choice before, now she’s positive she made the right one. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Dinah says, moving to press play on the movie. She unfolds the blanket which sits on the edge of the couch and spreads it across their legs. </p>
<p>As the title sequence plays, Laurel leans her head onto Dinah’s shoulder. </p>
<p>Dinah means so much to Laurel, and Laurel has no idea how to express it. This small action, of Dinah reaching out to her pseudo sister, of Dinah urging Laurel to make new memories and to heal from the hurt of losing her world, it means more than Laurel could ever say. She squeezes Dinah’s hand in a feeble attempt to tell her.</p>
<p>Dinah knows, Laurel thinks. She must know how Laurel feels. Laurel doesn't think she's keeping it hidden very well. Dinah must know to a degree, because she presses the softest of kisses to the top of Laurel's head.</p>
<p>She's already falling hard. Laurel sighs into the feeling and lets herself fall the rest of the way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Winter is the worst season of all. At least, that's what Laurel would've told you yesterday.</p>
<p>But with the snow falling in the background, an old movie playing, and Dinah by her side, Christmas doesn’t feel so terrible this year. In fact, for the first time since Laurel can remember, the holiday season feels like home. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you're someone who celebrates any holidays this week, I wish you all the best! Feel free to drop any thoughts on this fic in the comments, esp if you enjoyed 💖</p></blockquote></div></div>
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